


dont do this to me

by rudehao



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Best Friends, Hwalleric, M/M, Pining, They're best friends, eric is sick, hwall has a hard time dealing with it, the boyz - Freeform, the boyz eric - Freeform, the boyz hwall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2019-06-13
Packaged: 2020-05-02 10:55:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19197364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rudehao/pseuds/rudehao
Summary: when youngjae was diagnosed, hyunjoon thought he'd get better fast enough to help him with their science project.he wasn't. hyunjoon did it by himself.he'll be doing a lot of things by himself, now.





	dont do this to me

**Friday, February 16th, 08:14 AM**

"Hey, where are you? Call me back." Hyunjoon put his phone down on his desk and sighed. Youngjae hasn't been at school since Monday and they just got assigned two new projects. Hyunjoon isn't friends with anyone else in their class and besides, everyone else already has a partner. It's fine, Youngjae can just catch up when he gets back. But that isn't what's worrying Hyunjoon; Youngjae hasn't contacted him at all since he left the cafe they were studying in on Monday night. He's been texting and calling and  _nothing._ He even stopped by his house on Wednesday. No one was home. It was really concerning.

Class was starting soon, so he quickly decided to finally make a call to Youngjae's mother. He had her number for emergencies (this is what he considered an emergency). It rang, and rang.

But she didn't answer. Instead it went to voicemail and he groaned in frustration.

Where the hell was he?

**Friday, February 16th, 12:21 PM**

He had his head propped up by his elbow and was trying not to fall asleep. It's been a tough few days without Youngjae around. He wasn't very fond of people. They drained his energy. But Youngjae always seemed to bring his mood back up. He never failed to make him smile. He really needed that goofy laugh right now. He needed a stupid joke, or a poke at one of Hyunjoon's weak points. He needs something.

"Heo Hyunjoon!" Someone pulls him from his daze by calling his name. He looks up at his teacher, expecting to be told to focus. But instead she's pointing to the door. "You're being summoned to the office."

What?

"Now, please," His teacher says. He stands up and makes his way out of the class, down to the teacher's office. When he arrives, his mother is standing there with a tear stained face, speaking with his principal

"Mom?" He asks as he approaches, "Mom, what's going on?"

She embraces him, her tears landing on his school uniform. "Hyunjoonie,"

"Mom?"

"Something happened to Youngjae."

His stomach dropped. "Wha-What happened? Where is he? Where has he been?"

"He's in the hospital-"

"What?!"

"He's sick, Hyunjoon,"

"How sick?"

"I don't know. We're going to see him, okay? Get your stuff,"

Hyunjoon couldn't move. Sick? What did sick mean? How sick? Why was he in the hospital?

He didn't even realize he'd gone back to class to grab his bag and was now in the car with his mom. They were driving, and it was raining and Hyunjoon was trying not to cry. Why was he so nervous? There wasn't anything wrong with him.

**Friday, February 16th 02:56 PM**

"Hyunjoon," Youngjae's mother said as she entered the waiting room, "You're here." She and her husband had been in the room before they learned of he and his mother's arrival.

"What's happening? Where's Youngjae?" He asked, standing up from the uncomfortable chair he'd been stuck in for an hour. She took a breath and gave him a soft smile.

"Youngjae hasn't been feeling well recently... And on Monday we decided to bring him to the hospital."

"Is he okay?"

"Hyunjoon, be patient." His own mother said, placing a hand on his shoulder. He wanted to shrug it away in frustration.

Youngjae's mother continues. "But the doctors are still looking into what was wrong. They've wanted him here for a few days. I'm sorry he wasn't able to contact you... and my phone has been dead since Tuesday."

"You haven't left?" He asked, "You should go home for a while,"

"I can't, it's my son." Her soft smile returns. "Thank you for coming. He's asleep right now."

"Can I see him?" Hyunjoon tries to peer through the window of the door, "Please?"

"Not right now, honey," She says sorrily, "I wish you could. Not until they figure out what's wrong."

Hyunjoon lets himself slouch back into the chair. His ass hurt but it was better than standing. This sucks. He can't even go in to see him. 

He has the urge to cry again, but he doesn't let it happen.

Why would he cry over something like this?

**Tuesday, February 21, 05:20 PM**

He should be at the study room right now with Youngjae, but instead his in his favourite waiting room chair staring at the wall, waiting for news. Since he learned of Youngjae's sudden condition he's insisted on being at the hospital every day. Just so Youngjae knows he's there. Even if they can't see each other.

But today was special. Today was the day he was supposed to be allowed to visit him. They determined he wasn't contagious. That didn't mean it was good news though, did it? He was trying to think positively, but he hasn't heard of someone being hospitalized for this long for no reason.

Positive, Hyunjoon. Positive.

His phone died about an hour ago. It was plugged into the wall now but he didn't want to spend any more hours on social media. It was giving him a headache. And the constant texts from Youngjae's friends about his condition was driving him crazy. If they cared like he did they would be here.

Youngjae's room's door opened and his father stepped out, the doctor following him. The doctor had gotten used to Hyunjoon being there as he was to Youngjae's parents. 

The doctor smiles. "Go on in, Hyunjoon. Be gentle."

He practically leaped into the room.

Youngjae's father laughed as he composed himself before stepping into Youngjae's view. His stomach dropped at what he saw. He'd imagined Youngjae to be waiting for him with a smile, a silly hospital gown on and in a bed. 

But there were tubes hooked up everywhere, poking into his hands and resting in his nostrils. His hair was oily and sticking to his forehead. The gown rested over skin and bones. He was skinnier than Hyunjoon had ever seen him before. 

Hyunjoon wanted to break into sobs before he saw the stupid grin on his best friend's face.

"Heo Hyunjoon," He said airily, "Have you actually been here the whole time?"

He moves across the room to hug his friend. He's delicate and careful when touching him. As if the slightest brush would cause him to fall apart.

"Of course I was," He said into Youngjae's bony shoulder, "Where else would I be?"

"Don't mess with me. I know you've been at school."

"We have a science project."

"Oops. Sorry. Bring it over, I'll help-"

His words are cut off with a sharp cough, reminding Hyunjoon that this isn't a normal conversation. His best friend is lying in a hospital bed, unable to do the project with him.

"No, don't worry," He says, "I'll do it."

"Now I'm guilty!" Youngjae laughs, but it comes out more as a brittle choked cough, but he doesn't even seem to notice. Like this has been the norm since he arrived.

"Don't be! It isn't your fault... whatever this is..." Hyunjoon can feel his throat tightening, "What is this?" He turns to Youngjae's parents. "What's wrong with him?"

He stops listening at the words "terminal" and "bedridden". He's looking back at his friend again, who's looking off into nothing as if he's heard this speech a million times already. He probably has. It's his body.

"Yeah, but he's gonna get over it soon." Hyunjoon says with a dry smile, "I'm not even worried."

Behind him, Youngjae's parents share a solemn look and Youngjae's mother sheds a tear.

**Wednesday, March 7, 03:04 PM**

Hyunjoon rested his head on his desk, trying to fall asleep. He's been studying for too long and his head is hurting terribly. Today has been way too long. The rest of his class is quiet and working but he can't help but be distracted. He's too overwhelmed to be studying right now.

Youngjae had an emergency last night while he was visiting. He wasn't able to breathe and his parents had to call in nurses and doctors to help him. He was kicked out of the room. His mother had brought him home without him learning what had happened. Youngjae's father had informed him that Youngjae was okay, but that wasn't enough for Hyunjoon. He needed to see him to know he was okay. A text message isn't good enough anymore.

Hyunjoon has already missed so much school to be with his best friend. He promised his mother that he'd stay for the entire day today. It was slowly killing him, not knowing what was going on. He had every right to be there with him, by his side.

He had handed in the science project. They received a 82%. It was better than he thought it would be. Youngjae had chipped in with as much as he could from his hospital bed. He knew quite a bit from that unit which was helpful. Hyunjoon didn't seem to remember any of the lessons.

It had been over 4 weeks since he'd been hospitalized. Hyunjoon thought he'd be home by now.

He's tried to ignore the reality of it all.

He's ignoring everything.

**Sunday, March 30, 11:22 AM**

Hyunjoon took Juyeon through the hospital, leading him to Youngjae's wing. Juyeon hadn't been able to visit his friend since he was hospitalized, so when he finally was able to Hyunjoon volunteered to take him. He had learned the route from the entrance the the room by heart 3 days after he had first visited.

"Is it hard to look at?" Juyeon suddenly asks, "Like, I've seen pictures but... Is it worse up close?"

Hyunjoon shrugs. "I don't know. I'm used to it. Just... don't have a reaction. Act as though you're seeing him in the hall at school."

The walk became quiet again and Hyunjoon let it stay that way. There was no need to make conversation. This wasn't a lighthearted scenario. Despite the efforts Youngjae and his parents make to bring Hyunjoon's spirit up, it doesn't work unless he and his best friend are ignoring all the wires and tubes around him. As if they were back in their classroom making fun of their old, run-down principal. As if it were all normal.

Hyunjoon knows it's not.

He hates the truth.

He hates the fact that Juyeon seems to be handling it better than he is. Maybe it's because he doesn't know Youngjae as well as he does. Juyeon doesn't know the pain he's feeling. He doesn't get it.

No one does.

**Sunday, April 8, 10:07 AM**

Hyunjoon walks out of the room calmly and strides down the hall to the bathroom. Inside, he lets himself break down. He lets the sobs take him for the first time in months and he wails into nothing. He expects something to answer back, with an answer or an explanation.

He screams at the walls. They don't scream back.

Youngjae has 3 weeks.

**Wednesday, April 14, 01:54 PM**

Hyunjoon laughs harder than he's ever laughed before. Youngjae is saying the most random shit all hopped up on meds. His parents aren't in the room (they're with the counselor) and he's the only one who gets to experience such a happy Youngjae. Over the last few weeks he's really stopped being himself. But now he's Youngjae again, even if it isn't on purpose.

"Hyunjoon," He slurs, "Hyunjooooon,"

"What?" He asks, catching his breath.

"Can you promise me something?"

"Of course!"

"When I die," He giggles, and Hyunjoon freezes, "When I die pleeeeease tell Juyeon that I love him, okay? I love him I love him I love him! He'd be the perfect boyfriend... I love him."

"Really?" Hyunjoon asks breathlessly.

"Yes!"

"Why didn't you ever tell me you were in love with Juyeon?"

"Becaaause, I knew you would tell him. I wasn't ready to  _date_ anyone, you silly bastard." He laughs at Hyunjoon. "I just want him to know. Okay? Do you promise?" Youngjae holds his pinky finger out. Hyunjoon holds his tongue from cursing and shouting at him. He takes the pinky in his own.

"Promise."

**Friday, April 23, 05:23 PM**

Youngjae isn't really Youngjae anymore. He's tired all the time. He sleeps and moans and cries and sleeps some more. He barely eats. 

They've done surgeries. They've used new medications. 

Nothing seems to be working.

Hyunjoon stopped visiting every day. It became too hard. Instead he would call Youngjae's parents and ask for updates, but it was always the same. It was today.

"He slept for most of the day," Youngjae's mother says softly. Hyunjoon nods, though no one can see him. He's alone in his bedroom.

"New meds doing anything?" He asks.

"Nothing."

"Godammit," He mutters to himself, hoping it isn't picked up through the receiver. "I'm sorry I couldn't come in today."

"Don't worry," She says, "I think it would have been pretty boring. You're the only reason he ever stays awake, you know. Though, maybe it's good you stayed home today." She jokes.

Hyunjoon laughs. 

"Yeah, maybe."

"How is school?"

"Not the same without him."

"I understand."

"Yeah. How are you? And Youngjae's dad?"

"We're okay. Working through it. We've got everything ready... just in case he-"

"Don't." Hyunjoon stops her. "You don't have to."

"Thank you."

"I'm sorry," He says to her. "He's your only son."

"I'm sorry too, he's your brother."

**Monday, May 2, 03:34 PM**

"Let me in, let me in!" Hyunjoon bangs on the door. A nurse is pulling him back, saying he can't go inside. He isn't his family. He doesn't know that. Youngjae is family. "Let me see him! I need to say goodbye! I need to say goodbye!"

"Please, you can't!" The nurse tugs on his shirt and finally pulls him off. He falls to the ground, helpless. Hyunjoon can see through the window. He stares at Youngjae's parents through his tears and watches as his mother turns into her husband, sobbing.

"Youngjae!" He screams at the closed door. "Youngjae, please!"

He had just arrived to visit his best friend when he saw everyone running in and out of the room, shouting at each other. Trying to prevent it. He wasn't allowed in. Family only, now. 

But he is his family. How do they not get that by now?

"SON YOUNGJAE!" His screams echo through the hallway, "YOUNGJAE!" 

Some of the nurses stare at him. He ignores them. He can't tear his eyes away from the sight in front of him; Youngjae's parents wracked with grief as their son disappears in front of them.

He needs to say goodbye. He can't just leave without Hyunjoon like this. He can't just leave.

"Let me in!" He jumps back up and tries to open the door. He finally succeeds and rushes into the room to see his best friend lying there, white as snow and limp.

Empty.

Gone.

"Youngjae..." He cries, "Please... I love you. I need you, you can't just go." He's fallen to his knees. Even the doctors aren't stopping him now. He crawls forward and grabs his best friend's cold hand. "Please, please don't do this to me."

He doesn't respond. But there's a hope deep in Hyunjoon that he's gonna open his eyes and hold him. He's on his knees and bawling, waiting for him to wake up.

He kisses his hands, knowing only a miracle will do it now.

It doesn't work.

He's an idiot for thinking it would.

Heo Hyunjoon lost the love of his life at 3:38 PM on Monday, May 2.

He knew he wouldn't find that kind of love again.

**Tuesday, May 15, 05:00 PM**

Hyunjoon knelt at his casket, quiet and empty. He felt nothing, he hasn't since he left. Juyeon came and sat next to him.

He felt like he needed to say it, just so he knows.

"He loved you." He sighs. Juyeon nods.

"I know."

"You knew?"

"He told me."

"When?"

"Way back. Maybe January?"

"He never told me."

"Not surprised. He wanted it to be a secret. Us."

"You dated?"

"Not even for more than a month. I broke it off. I feel guilty now, if you're saying he loved me till he was gone."

"Why did you end it?"

"I knew he truly loved someone else that wasn't me."

"Who?"

"Are you that dense? He was obsessed with you."

Hyunjoon's stomach dropped. "Don't mess with me. Don't make me feel like I was something to him. I don't need that. Not today."

"I'm not messing with you."

"I don't care about your bullshit. Just leave me alone. You won. He loved you."

"Hyunjoon-"

"Go away."

He did.

And Hyunjoon didn't care.


End file.
